1. Click the little apple in the top left corner of the screen.
2. Click System Preferences a window should pop-up.
3. Click Speech (4th row from top)
4. Click third checkbox “Speak selected text when the key is pressed”
5. Click Set-key — type in a desired key command – I use command ⌘+\ – to do this just press “command ⌘” then “\”
6. For the “Saw” voice – you know from the movie – Choose whisper (click system voice than show more voices) . For a normal voice choose Alex and move the speed up in between normal and fast.
7. Open up any word editing program- MS word works fine or TextEdit- Anything where you can type.
8. Type in desired speech– Make sure you spell correctly.
9. Highlight with your mouse all the text you wrote.
10. Test your speech with the keystroke you created (”command ⌘” then “\”)
11. Crank call friend with another persons cell phone (so they don’t have the number) or use *67 to block your number
12. With text highlighted wait till person picks up phone and play the speech.

Here’s some examples that I’ve tested that you can use to get yourself started:

1. Use Alex to create a faux American Express or Mastercard automated generated voice message alerting your prey that they have exceeded the limit on their credit cards. List places where it was used in the message (ex. strip clubs in your area, gay bars, or places they go a lot). Make sure you put in the actual customer service number in the end of the message and make up a fake reference code.

2. Use Whisper to create a “Saw” scenario highlighting the reasons why your target will play “a game.” Ex. “You gamble on sports with your family’s money, now it’s time to gamble with your life….Go to (place) and complete (task)… Live or die, make your choice.” This one scared the living shit out of my friend once so make sure you write a good one.

3. Use Victoria (mess with the speed till it sounds right) to create a scenario that she is pregnant with your friends kid and needs to meet.

Let the hilarity ensue :p

Ever have an online conversation with a friend via instant messaging and for some reason it just feels awkward. In live speech there is a difference from what people say and what they actually mean but when speaking online it is hard to discern this difference due to lack of a face to see or inflection on certain words. However, I’ve been talking online through instant messaging since 4th grade (13 years of typing!) and I believe I figured out what people actually mean when they are typing.  Below is a snippet of a conversation I had with a friend that sparked this very subject and is an investigation into if people actually laugh when they say they are:

4:49 PM me: what else is there

anybody that writes in full sentences just learned that there is such a thing as a computer

4:50 PM smileys although a rare occurrence usually aren’t genuine

except for the wink usually only from girls and is basically online flirting

4:51 PM

ppl who u use the tongue :p face are usually happy ppl and nice to talk to

4:52 PM ppl who use extremely long acronyms only use it to be elitist

such as imho – [in my humble opinion]

lmao

4:53 PM and haxor

Finally if u dont use “u” you’re a probably a very patient person

So readers what do you think? Am I way off camp here or spot on?

Anyways here’s some fun pranks, tips, and tricks specific for Blackberry users.

1. BBM- Blackberry Messenger Prank

You know when you are BBming a girl at 3am trying to get her to “meet you to play with your wii” and the checkbox next to your sent message says D for delivered but not R for read. What gives? How could she not read it?

“Oh she didn’t read it yet, I’ll send ten more drexts (drunk texts) till she does.”

“Still didn’t read it she must be busy”

That means she didn’t read it yet, right? WRONG! She definitely read it and this is how:

When a message is received (yellowed out smiley face), head over to a DIFFERENT BBM contact conversation

A. Start typing anything. A dialog box will appear below what you just typed “So and So is typing a message”
B. Scroll over this message and press the blackberry button.
C. Click copy.
D. Paste the entire message in the conversation box! You’re message will still be seen as D. Happy ignoring!

2. Autotext Prank

This prank requires you to have short possession of the other persons Blackberry. Practice on your blackberry first, you can do this in less than 30 seconds.

A. Somehow retrieve friend’s blackberry – ask to play brickbreaker, grab it when they leave the room, punch them in the stomach- I’m sure you can think of something.
B. Scroll over to Options and click in.
C. Scroll over to Autotext and click in.
D. Press blackberry button and click NEW.
E. In the “Replace:” field, type a simple commonly used word such as “the” or “hey”
F. In the “With:” field, type in anything you want such as “penis penis penis boy penis is cool”
H. Laugh hysterically as they panic as to why whenever they type the word “the” it changes into “penis penis penis boy penis is cool” over and over.

I got one of my friends to bring his to the store because of this. :p

3. Change your own BBM contact info to a friend’s significant other’s name

This prank is an oldie but a goodie.

A. Go into BBM.
B. Press Blackberry button and click Edit my info.
C. Change name to whoever you want and prank text all you want.
D. For added trickery, take hold of their blackberry and change the significant other’s name to another name before you start this prank.

For April fools I got 30 of my friends to change their names to another friend’s name on BBM. Set up a chat room and invite that person to it along with the 30 friends- hysterical.

4. 123spoof/spoof card App

The ultimate prank. Also known as the home wrecker prank. It’s an application that allows you to replace the caller id on an outgoing call with a caller id of your choice. So you can make it look like you are calling your sister’s hot friend with your sister’s phone when in actuality it is your phone.

A. Google 123spoof or spoof card (renamed themselves this but 123spoof should still work)
B. Download software straight to your Blackberry. (follow their instructions on how to set it up)
C. Input number you want to call and number you want to be shown as (make sure the outgoing party has that number in their contact list else it will not display a caller id)
D. Blackberry button than dial or send, listen to the advertisement, then it’s up to you after that!

There’s tons more, let me know what you think or if you have any yourself please share!

Most of my readers always ask me which video game system they should buy for either themselves or their kids. Let me simplify the current video game landscape for everybody a little bit. There are three major companies that pretty much control all the major video game systems in the world: Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo. Along with a billion million third party companies (EA Sports, Ubisoft, Sega, etc. ) they create games of all types– all the way from extraordinary adventures to math lessons. Currently the three kings of video games ( Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo) own three systems in the market– Microsoft’s Xbox 360 (commonly called 360), Sony’s Playstation 3 (commonly called PS3), and Nintendo’s Wii.

So which is the best?

To make it easier to understand I’ll simply list the pros and cons of each system.

Nintendo Wii

Pros:

1. Brand new way to play with video games.

This is the very first system to properly implement motion controls through its very unique Wiimote wireless controller. This means that games like Tiger Woods Golf can actually be played like you would play golf in real life. You actually swing the controller as if it was a golf club. Another example would be that it can be used as a gun for shooting games. The Wii can also use older Gamecube controllers if people find this to be too hard.

2. Innovative games.

In conjunction with the new controller the games have become extremely creative in its implementation. For the first time ever adventures in the first person view can be played as they were meant to be played (ex. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption- you actually aim at the screen to shoot!). Also other games like Rayman Raving Rabbids or Mario Party are very unique in that almost anyone can have fun playing them.

3. Kid friendly/easy to use.

Nintendo is very strict on what is allowed on its system in terms of violent games.

4. Free online play.

Many games include online multiplayer and it is completely free to use. WiiConnect24 (24 is for 24 hours in a day) is a new updating program that allows you to download content for games you own, or allow some games to have real time effects, such as having the weather inside the game reflect that of the actual outdoors near your home.

5. Completely Backwards compatible.

This means it can play all Nintendo Gamecube games, plus the inclusion of the “Virtual Console” allows gamers to download games off the internet from even older systems such as the very first Nintendo Entertainment System (NES), Super NES, and even Sega Genesis (Sega used to be the major rival of Nintendo)

6. Has built in Wi-Fi and at $250 it is the lowest priced system.

Cons:

1. Graphics are only a slight upgrade from the previous Nintendo Gamecube because the architecture of the Wii is very similar to the Gamecube’s. It also uses DVDs for game discs (4.7 GB size) which means the games can only be a certain size thus limiting its graphic capabilities.

2. Hard to set up.

Nintendo advertises the Wii as the system your grandmother can play, however I still feel that an older person who is not used to any kind of computer would still find it difficult to understand. The sensor bar also adds insult to injury. This bar is necessary only for certain games, but it is needed to use the menu and many people get confused on why its even in the box. Also you have to be relatively close to the TV else the sensor bar will not work properly. On the other hand though it is a very short learning curve if someone teaches you how to use it.

3. You have to pay to download old games (from 5-10 dollars), but the shear (or is it sheer?) nostalgia that these games bring overrides the small price tag for them.

4. WiiConnect24 has still not been included in nearly any of the games.

5. Nintendo does not let a lot of violent games to be developed for the Wii. However, this is currently changing.

Playstation 3:

Pros:

1. Easily the most powerful consumer video game system and computer in the market today. The processor for it is a brand new chip developed by IBM called the Cell. I’ll give you an analogy on how powerful the Cell processor really is. For a movie such as Spiderman 3 for example with a lot of special effects and computer generated imagery, it takes some serious big time computers to create effects that a viewer can perceive the movie to be actually real. This movie in particular took 10, yes 10 supercomputers to render (techy word for building the graphics for the movie and actually stringing all the editing together into the final movie). Each of these computers runs at around 1.4 teraflops (if you don’t know what that is just know that its ridiculously fast, nearly 1,000 times faster than the computer you are probably using right now). Playstation 3’s Cell processor is in fact just as powerful as one of those computers!

2. Uses Blu-ray Discs for games. Blu-ray discs are special discs that is read by a blue laser in the PS3. By using a blue laser (shorter wavelength than conventional red lasers) allows programmers to cram more data onto the disc. In actuality each side of the disc can fit 25 GB! This means that the games will eventually become huuuuuge and extremely intricate.

3. PS3 can play Blu-ray DVD movies. PS3 is the cheapest solution for a Blu-ray DVD movie player.

4. Has a built in harddrive to save a lot of game progress as well as download complete game demos. Lowerend model has a 40GB harddrive while the higherend model has an 80GB 120 GB.

Cons:

1. Only the higher end model of the PS3 has Wi-fi (wireless internet) capabilities. (Check the box before you buy)

2. Programmers do not yet have the knowledge necessary to harness the power of the Cell, but they will in a few years.

3. High price. Lowerend model ($400) used to not have Wi-Fi, so be careful when buying at a store because the retailer may have the older version. PS3 Slim announced! Lighter weight same punch lower price!

Xbox 360:

Pros:

1. Near Full HD (can only go to High Definition at 720p) graphics.

2. Best online play, sleek menus, easy to use, and not many connection issues when playing online as the other two systems.

3. Wireless controllers

4. Great Technical and Warranty Support from Microsoft because they are simply the richest of the three companies.

5. Huge selection of games plus an internal harddrive. (Normal 360 has 20GB drive and the Elite has a 120 GB drive)

6. Has built in Wi-Fi

Cons:

1. Many Xbox 360s break for no reason -(typical of Microsoft)

2. Not really a new system, its basically an Xbox with updated graphics and wireless controllers. There is nothing very impressive about it except for better graphics and newer menus.

3. Didn’t promise on its HD-DVD(15.7 GB size and blue laser technology) usage for games. The games still use DVDs, thus smaller games, thus limiting the 360s potential power. This special disc usage was supposed to be included at release, but you can buy an attachment to use it.

4. There are two models of 360. Only one of them, the Xbox 360 Elite, can produce HD graphics (720p- progessive in a later post I will explain how High Definition actually works and which is the best, but for brevity’s sake I won’t explain it for now).

5. High price, lower end model is $400 and the higher Elite is $500

So whose the winner you ask?

IMHO (in my humble opinion) the Nintendo Wii is clearly the most bang for your buck. I always have fun playing with this system no matter what. The games are more creative, fresher, and have a great feel to them. Also some games come with a family play option which allows computer automation to take over for more complicated controls. Finally, nothing can beat the experience of actually swinging a golf club or shooting at the screen as if it was real life.

Runner up:

PS3 this system will eventually have graphics that will seem extremely realistic. However, the system is still relatively young and it is expensive. The Blu-ray player is pretty clutch, allowing you to watch ultra high definition movies (1080p). Make note that this is a very close runner-up, you or your kids will have just as much fun playing on this system as anything else.

The loser, but its hard to call it that:

Xbox 360 in my opinion is not a very impressive system from an upgrade standpoint. However, do not underestimate its power. The 360 and the PS3 currently have a similar selection of games (it has the best exclusive games though i.e. Halo) and have similar graphics capabilities, but the PS3 will eventually pull ahead in this race.

Want to get any of these systems? Currently Amazon holds the most amount of them, you won’t even have to worry about talking to some stupid kid at Bestbuy. I put together this little widget of my most favorite games:

1.  Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii)

Why it’s good sober?

1 Part Sega
1 Part Konami
33 Parts Nintendo

It’s the actual recipe for fun. Play it once and you’ll be hooked.

Why it’s good to play when you’re drunk?

Instead of smashing you’re hand against the concrete wall like you did last night when you yet again failed to pull some tail, you should smash that stupid smirk off that pretentious Mario’s face. I mean how can an Italian plumber who has to find money underground just to survive get to bang a princess. That game was made on shrooms.

2.   Earthworm Jim (Sega Genesis and Wii Virtual Console)

Why it’s good sober?

Because it’s a worm shooting shit.

Why it’s good to play when you’re drunk?

Because it’s a worm shooting shit.

3.  Mario Kart (N64)

Why it’s good sober?
Shoot shells at other people while go-karting= awesome. Also– little secret (every girl loves to play Mario Kart)

Why it’s good to play drunk?

There’s a great drinking game that you can play with it. Last place takes 4 drinks, 3rd place takes 3 drinks, etcetera etcetera. Also this time the girl will be drunk.

2nd Game

Race Toad’s board backwards – every time someone gets hit by a car, truck, or bus you take a drink.

-Thanks Mike for the game

4. Wii Sports – (Wii)

Why it’s good sober?

It’s not: just as boring as you at sex.

Why it’s good drunk?

Because it can get you to have sex. Girls love this easy ass game.

5. Ninja Gaiden Sigma (PS3 and XBOX 360)

Why it’s good sober?

Best game ever. Slice and dice enough to almost feed your killer instinct.

Why it’s good drunk?

Better to kill a guy in a game then a guy in real life. AND you can do it over, and over, and over and over!

-JR — Thanks for reading

MAC – very easy

You need 1 program first: iSquint (its free) search on google for it I’m not gonna do everything for you.

Step 1: Open Safari (yes, safari not firefox)
Step doce:  Find youtube video that you like
Step 3: Click Window on the Menu bar
Step 4: Click Activity

Step 5: Find the file with the most megabytes – its the one that’s counting up (mb) ex. http://www.youtube.com/OBABy 6.8 mb (can work on other sites too)

Step 6: Double click it — it should download as get-video

Step 7: Re-name it to get-video.flv (flash video file)

Step 8: Open iSquint – and drag the newly named file into it. Futz with the settings if you want (self-explanatory) convert it to .mp4 and it is now playable in Itunes/iPod

Step 9: Repeat steps 1-8 on every porn site possible and if you’re a dirtbag steal a movie or two or 27

Windows Users (macs can use this as well, but you’ll see why it’s not as good)

http://www.vixy.net  Self-explanatory site go to it, it tells you what to do there.